Archive for ‘January, 2012’
So, basically, Red, my girlfriend, gave me a savage fucking beating, but she says that didn’t happen so I thought she should tell her version of the events:
“It wasn’t a savage beating. He likes it when I “groom” him…You know, poppin’ thee ol’ black heads on his back. It all began with a delicious cluster on his shoulder blade, then I worked my way across the Boreal Forest of hair. I finished with the back and we laid in “post coital” cuddles. THEN I noticed other scrumptious bounty on his patchy chest and Matt made me stop after a few because they were far too painful. He then suggested for me to go for the black heads on his nose. I refused. The face is far too painful for another person to do the bounty hunting, plus it is more pleasurable to do it yourself. He insisted. That is when I shouted ‘Let me remind you of what real pain is’ and reminded him by squeezing the stubborn fucker on his left man tit.”
I think it’s pretty clear she’s lying and just hits me.
My only regret is not deleting my history. I know my girlfriend doesn’t care…but whenever the cops drive by I put my laptop in the microwave.